Stephanie is currently laying in her cot interacting with her mobile, god I love that thing. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, but it can be hard having to be her entertainment all day, every day. Her mobile gives her a chance to work be visually stimulated while listening to some classical music and gives me a chance to have a bit of a break from being an entertainment centre. Some mums have no apparent problem with giving up their desires and interests in exchange for their children and their interests. I don't really have a problem with this either, I just sometimes need something else in my day. I need to have something more stimulating, in a grown-up way, as a part of my day otherwise I will go crazy. On the other hand I wouldn't exchange this time I'm having with my daughter for anything. It is great getting up everyday and knowing that I get to spend the day interacting with my daughter and helping her to learn more about herself and the world around her. Watching her learn and play is one of the highlights of my day; and getting her to smile makes it all worth while. Basically, I love my daughter, but like other first time parents, I sometimes resent the changes parenthood has caused in the way in which I live my life. I mean, I'm breastfeeding, and even what I eat is partially controlled by my daughter's needs; not too many nuts, or too much chocolate, and it has to be a healthy balanced diet so she gets everything she needs from me. I'm looking forward to being able to eat for myself in a few months, and having a drink when I want to.
Thankfully breastfeeding has finally become virtually pain free, as for the first 10-11 weeks it was less than enjoyable 90% of the time. Stephanie has rescently re-cracked one of my nipples, but this is mainly my fault for not paying enough attention while she was feeding one night, and having a high pain threshold and therefore not realizing something was wrong right away. But despite that, I can honestly say that I am now enjoying breastfeeding unreservedly. Now of course another problem relating to feeding has arrisen. I'm pretty sure she has reflux, and the health visitor at my local breastfeeding clinic thinks she might as well, fun fun. Apparently it is something that is relatively common in my husband's family, oh well.
In summation, being a mother is great, and being a full time mother is awesome, for now. I know myself and I am just a little too selfish to be able to do this full time for the next 18 years, I think.
